Old Testament Tampons blend ancient wisdom with contemporary comfort.

Inspired by stories passed down for generations, they offer protection that’s both time-tested and quietly powerful. It’s not just a product—it’s a calling. Old Testament Tampons aren’t just absorbent—they’re absolvent. Sealed for righteousness and fortified for even the wrath of monthly plagues, they’ve been keeping things holy since the Book of Genesis. Whether you’re parting the Red Sea or just surviving brunch in Boca, trust in tradition.

Faith-based hygiene for the conservative modern matriarch.

Here’s the ad that started it all.